It’s that time of year again when I have to remind everyone in my family that if they gift my child an elf on the shelf it will immediately become firewood because one thing mama ain’t raising in a snitch.
Things I’ve done to children instead of elf on a shelf:
- Told 4-7 year olds that throwing tantrums makes their teeth come loose
- Green vegetables taste bad because they have the same stuff in them as the ninja smoke bombs that make people pass out, but if you eat a little bit at a time you will become immune and thus defeat ninjas.
- The dentist knows the tooth fairy
- Dogs and cats know when you say swear words and it hurts their feelings
- Monsters in the closet think the floor is lava and can only walk on toys and clothes you haven’t put away
- The good spirit of the house likes the sound of water, so flushing the toilet and washing your hands will remind it to protect you
So many child psychologists must know about me.
Okay but the dentist does know the tooth fairy that’s just facts
That floor is lava thing is genius
(via gallusrostromegalus)
